Some thoughts about Internet Dating

In response to the interest generated at "The Plankton" on Internet Dating


I first tried Internet dating just before my 40th birthday. I recall being grateful as I set up my profile that I was under 40 as that was the cut off for most of the men I was interested in. In fact many men of my age were citing 35 as the upper limit.

I don't have bad things to say about Internet dating, but I haven't met a soul mate that way either. Only about 3/10 went beyond the first date

The men I met were broadly divided along these lines

(1) Focussed on sex/bit-a-fun and at some level why not? many of them have come out of long sex-starved marriages, some others are bachelors who have veered into the sex-addiction spectrum and can't commit,

(2) Great on paper with looks, interest in things cultural/sport, intelligent but actually chronically depressed, needy, usually unemployed or in patchy employment. Having come out of a crazy co-dependent relationship with a depressed person I myself was not strong enough to take this on,

(3) So rich and set up that they are afraid you will come and fleece them.


Men in the same boat might classify women as

(1) Crazy - vindictive about their ex-husbands, Overly happy and bubbly to cover their nerves (ie you never see the real them) mis representing themselves - old photos, glamour photos, talking themselves up...

(2) Desparate: focussed on dubious get-rich-quick schemes to pull them out of post-divorce poverty or worst looking for a meal ticket

(3) Not interested in sex.

My husband and the three men I have been in relationships with since divorce were all, my age or younger, I didn't meet any of them internet dating. Realistically at 46 I think my internet dating market is 55 upwards. In the real world however I may still meet someone who could've played in the same sandpit.

When I think of the effort it would take to present myself appropriately for this market - nails, eyelashes, bikini wax, take up extreme sport/cooking/triathlon to be more interesting, I tend to think the time and effort would be better spent on improving myself for my own purposes.