Thursday, March 13, 2008

Bride or Bored

I've been looking for a picture that adequately describes the way I feel about re-marrying, but there really is nothing that does. I have felt this post coming on for a few days now. Not and old yet happy bride, more a dishevelled bride giving the finger. I have definitely crossed a boundary lately.

For the first 30 years of my life I was a romantic. I was excited about the prospect of meeting someone, falling in love, having a family, and living happily ever after. At 24 I launched into it all with the wrong guy, had a rollercoaster of a 16 year marriage struggled against his will, and then my ovaries to have a child, and was spat out at the other end... Forty, with no sense of personal autonomy, fertile years drawing to their close, and utterly utterly bemused.

Neil, who has never been married, and has apparently put his philandering ways behind him, wants to marry me....but why, now, would I want to do it all again?

There is precious little chance of being a parent again, I have no desire to outsource the management of my life to someone else (been there, trying not to do that again), I don't want to make any more promises I can't keep and I have so much more to live for.