Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Nascent love, dead in the cradle

Oh school dad, I'm not sure if I should even give you a name. Sometimes it's better with these babies not to christen them, just give them a private burial, and noone will know they existed.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Hope without expectation?

 Given how flat and even sad I am feeling today I can only assume that my carefree hope and mindfulness was laced with some form of expectation. School dad came round to dinner, and it all went quite well, but we are fundamentally different. I got a bit tipsy and gushed about all sorts of crap then woke up feeling somewhere deep inside that I might have made a fool of myself, and this mattered.
Hope not expectation

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Living in hope

At the moment I am feeling very relaxed and happy. This is due to four things

(1) Work is very quiet (so, less frantic rushing around acheiving nothing)
(2) I have managed very tentatively, and with some pain, to run again and as a result of this, and some dieting I have lost 8lbs
(3) I have joined a choir
(4) I am living in hope with respect to school dad

You've heard the old cliche it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Well, in my current untrusting place I also feel it is better to live in hope of a happy relationship emerging than to rush into things and have those hopes dashed. So it is almost like the crushes I would have at school, admiring a guy from afar for a term or more, having happy fantasies about it, but never actually acting on them and somehow getting succour from this. Thoughts of running away to be near my family have moved on to the backburner for the time being, and I am relishing the here and now with some positivity.