Tuesday, October 31, 2006

My own declarations of love

Since I separated from my husband of 15 years a storm has been raging. I barely had the time or energy to do my job and look after my 2 year old son. And so it was that I moved out, got promoted, met someone new, bought a house and moved again all before the divorce was finalized.

When it came to unpacking the boxes in the new home, many ghosts appeared, but perhaps most poiniant of all, my own declarations of love. I am a horder, and it seems that as every birthday Christmas and Valentines went by, I could not bear to throw away the cards we sent to each other, no not even the ones that came from me.

He has sailed off into his new life. I was left nursing a love which I myself had transmitted, when the antennae have long since rusted and been retired.

At some level I was supposed to be the hard one in this relationship. Although I didn't leave I apparently made the home so "toxic" he had to leave.

As the cards slip from my hands and flutter to the ground, I wonder who was kidding who.