Tuesday, October 31, 2006

My own declarations of love

Since I separated from my husband of 15 years a storm has been raging. I barely had the time or energy to do my job and look after my 2 year old son. And so it was that I moved out, got promoted, met someone new, bought a house and moved again all before the divorce was finalized.

When it came to unpacking the boxes in the new home, many ghosts appeared, but perhaps most poiniant of all, my own declarations of love. I am a horder, and it seems that as every birthday Christmas and Valentines went by, I could not bear to throw away the cards we sent to each other, no not even the ones that came from me.

He has sailed off into his new life. I was left nursing a love which I myself had transmitted, when the antennae have long since rusted and been retired.

At some level I was supposed to be the hard one in this relationship. Although I didn't leave I apparently made the home so "toxic" he had to leave.

As the cards slip from my hands and flutter to the ground, I wonder who was kidding who.

3 comments:

sole said...

Fiona,
even if it has felt like the biggest part of you has gone or died, somehow we find a way to rebirth, is like changing the skin and starting all over again.
Maybe I was considered the "toxic" one too, but I think that it was the cheappest excuse not to be with me anymore, because he was still in love with his ex, and now they are back together.
And that was exactly MY excuse to change my skin and think in a new beginning, never looking back again and putting myself in the firt place in my life, because no one will do it but me.
We have something in common, we speak from our hearts.
Good luck in your "moving on" matters.
Regards from Valparaiso-Chile

FI0NA said...

Thank you sole

j macam said...

burn those cards. those cards are fragments of his excistince.. . dont dwell on the past it is enough to learn from it.