Wednesday, July 29, 2009

It "ended"

And the inverted commas are entirely intentional. Finally I spoke up. I told Neil that this relationship is not meeting my needs, sexually, emotionally or practically. ...and my word did he have a response for me! A whole lot of things are wrong with me. For the record, let me get them down.

(1) If I want sex I should learn how to do it! Foreplay, I need to do foreplay I need to warm him up... btw those FBs may not have been marriage material, but they knew how to **
(2) I always have to be right, and I let that get in the way of everything including (ouch) my relationship with my child
(3) I have treated him badly (not cruelly, or unkindly, but badly) this stems from the fact that I just do not know how to look after a man.

He has been unhappy for a LONG time.

For his part he has been working like a dog. Maybe not around the home, but at his job which in his accounting ledger counts as work he is doing for me. When he completes a report at work or closes a deal at work, it is for me. This surprised me and brought me to thinking

here might be another difference between men and women

When I complete a report or close a deal at work (we are at the same level in our careers), I know am doing it for me and my career . The money that comes in as a result is a side-effect. I would never dream of saying it was for him or shirking my household chores in lieu of it.

Oh faithful readers, I expect you are trying to imagine what sort of a woman I am? or even empathizing with poor Neil stuck with this sexually overeager, self-righteous, neglectful, unappreciative woman.

Whilst I will try to my lesson, if you met me you would not recognize that woman. I am a hard working, loyal, reliable, funny and lovable friend.

So we agreed to be flatmates, until we are both living in the same country a year from now, and then think about selling the house. Which to be honest was my major stumbling block.

But it still isn't wrapped up

I still cook and clear the dishes after every meal. I pay the bills, kill the weeds, and do what is my job entirely without support - look after my son - and somehow find time for a full time job. he comes and goes as he pleases, and now does not have to tell me what he is doing. And nothing has changed except we acknowledge we don't love each other and sleep in separate rooms. What have I gained?


Anonymous said...

Fiona! you did it. You got up the courage to tell him that enough is enough. That's wonderful! Was his reaction what you expected? I certainly hope that you didn't take what he said seriously. He's a manipulative jerk!

I'm so happy for you and your son! This is a start to a whole better life.

Out of curiousity why do you have to wait a year before putting the house on the market? could you put it on now and see what happens?

And holy hannah - you're not still cooking dinner for him are you? When I read the last sentance about doing the dishes and cooking I nearly fell out of my chair. I hope your not. Obviously you and your son need to eat, but Neil? Let him cook for himself. You guys are roommates, nothing more. You don't owe him dinner.

Congratulations on making this huge step! You did it!!


k _ colo @

Cat said...

I think your being honest with him, has gained you yourself back - there is no reason to pretend anymore and while you still are maintaining the majority of the chores, now you can begin to draw your lines, as flatmates should.