Friday, March 16, 2012

Missed call (2)

I'm glad to say I can definitively classify the missed call. Its a (5). A day or two later Hamish sent me one of those Junk Mail circular kind of emails. In a day or so I responded asking if he had "Butt Dialled" me to which he replied that he had been ringing to find out how I am.

So he is trying to be my friend. I have to say this is an entirely new situation for me. I am more used to the "ignore her and she'll go away" approach from exs. Actually in truth I don't like the gray area.  I suppose whilst genuine respectful friendship would be a beautiful thing. I can see it is more likely to be a case of being held on a string and giving into sex with him if he presses the right buttons. I would really rather nothing at all.

If he rings again maybe I'll tell him what he wants to hear (reassurance and an ego boost):-

Things are pretty good, I'm keeping busy at work. I've booked a couple of holidays. Can't say I don't think about you, I still love you, but part of this is that   I want what's best for you. I really hope you find it.

Or should I tell him the truth:-

I'm pretty much existing from day to day. My life is very boring and I only booked the holidays so I have something to look forward to. I think about you every day, trying to fathom why the hell you would terminate our relationship. I miss you very badly. I haven't been able to sleep in my own bed since you left. I can't understand how I have arrived at this particular point in life. I'm at sea. If this had happened to me in my 20s it would've taken me apart
 I have just found one more (slightly contradictory) thing I wrote in relation to break ups and aging (my personal experience)

I fall in love easily, but have found since I turned 40, that  I fall out of love rather easily too. Fickle. Not a good predictor of relationship success maybe? Or else a wordly conviction that I will not be " used" and there is no point flogging a dead horse.  I had a further slightly unnerving thought this week -perhaps it is just my failing memory. Nothing is so intense these days as i simply can't remember the detail.

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