Tuesday, February 09, 2016

A man is not, and has never been a plan

Well the fairy tale continues. Daily Skype and messenger contact from George is pushing every romantic button in my body (as well as many other less romantic ones). Since our first polite email exchange of thank you notes, it has emerged that both of us had a terrible crush on the other and basically can't wait to rip each others clothes off. It hasn't really gone beyond that, obviously it can't because we are now on opposite sides of the world, but it hasn't stopped me having fantasies along the lines of I will go back to my country of origin and live with him whatever it takes, and I think he is the one..

I kid you not he looks like this ...

at 47 he is three years younger than me and I can't for the life of me imagine what he sees in me, except, he would remember what I was like at 18. Unattainable goddess of the six form common room.

So as much as I try to scratch the fairy tale it keeps on coming back. It is reaching the level of dangerous obsession but he is fueling it by contacting me each night and morning and being amorous towards me. 

This evening I had a thought. Whilst a man is not a plan I think what I crave is stability. So being a pretty much untouchable single mother who never went out and got pleasure from just running her own show and being around her child was one sort of stability, and another sort that I would really like would be a partner that I can trust who I have a lot in common with (shared history and interests) and profoundly love and feel attracted to. If such things still exist. So far his approach has been very different to anything I have encountered in the last 10 years.

I am startled by how ready I am to give up my life here. For someone I barely know. This element of it feels like internet dating era madness. But looking back a couple of posts, to be in my country of origin has never been off the agenda. I am just waiting for Connor to be old enough or to negotiate to take him too. It seems, and George has just added grist to the mill.

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