Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Chanelling my Inner Joni

The two year post divorce inventory continues. The fog cleared, I looked around and whilst I thought I had been doing OK, thought I had moved on, it would appear there is a pile of ex-marital debris to be sifted through. So what do I see...

The shared memories..
- aforementioned rice paddies at sunset and more in the travel genre (you'd like to hear it?)

The unique marital culture
- how we used to tell the story of how we met, to each other, to our friends and make everyone laugh
- the in-jokes
- the sheer smug gloating acheivement of staying together as long as we did

My mother-in-law

- oops there she goes again popping her head up from the rubble

Being able to tuck my son in every single night.. and the unique joy of parenting together
- no-one can share him like my husband did.
- Neil is good with him, they love each other even
- ...but imagine gazing on the cherubic face of the adored child you created together. - Priceless, unique, lost.

Joni Mitchell captured this wistful feeling quite well ..

and when she says "But now old friends are acting strange They shake their heads, they say I've changed Well something's lost, but something's gained In living every day" I know she's right and I live every day for the sheer joy of it, and the hope that I will soon be able to enunciate those gains, and they won't be merely financial ones.

Dear friends I enjoyed putting those losses out to the universe, in the hope they are not lost because someone out there will identify with them, and they can once again be shared.

2 comments:

Vic's Still Standing said...

You speak the same language I do, eloquently, and with the same sense of longing for the good times in the past, and courage in looking forward to a better, stronger self.

The Joni Mitchell analogy was sheer genius.

FI0NA said...

Thanks vic, always nice to be called a genius. Made my day :)