Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Blind Alley


I've been away, for days, thinking. I guess my blog (life?) has come to some sort of dead end. Here I am having been through some shocking stuff in the past few months, and yet oddly seeming to accept my position for the time being. Almost in apathy. I have read far too much on the Internet about Neil's issues and have worried myself half sick, meanwhile he blithely carries on focussing on his career, giving me and my happiness never a thought.

I worry about it at work, I take notes and think about it when I should be working.

I have to make a promise to myself to work at my career, whether I can follow through on this remains to be seen, some drive needs to come from within. For myself, for Connor, for whatever the future holds, I let myself down when I spend so much time pandering to Neil, worrying about Neil when he doesn't afford me the same honor. He let me down, he did the bad thing, I am wearing it, while he remains productive.

Where is this post going? A resolution. To focus on work more, and Neil less.

1 comment:

Vic's Still Standing said...

Yes, I have that same issue. When one is pulled into too many directions (work, relationship, child)then the mind just stops thinking creatively. Not that these blogs are creative, but they are our way of helping us sort through what's going on. There are times when I have absolutely nothing to say on my blog; and I've decided, that's ok. The idea, I suppose, is to remain authentic, and not to pull something out of thin air just because the blog is sitting empty.