I've been looking for a picture that adequately describes the way I feel about re-marrying, but there really is nothing that does. I have felt this post coming on for a few days now. Not and old yet happy bride, more a dishevelled bride giving the finger. I have definitely crossed a boundary lately.
For the first 30 years of my life I was a romantic. I was excited about the prospect of meeting someone, falling in love, having a family, and living happily ever after. At 24 I launched into it all with the wrong guy, had a rollercoaster of a 16 year marriage struggled against his will, and then my ovaries to have a child, and was spat out at the other end... Forty, with no sense of personal autonomy, fertile years drawing to their close, and utterly utterly bemused.
Neil, who has never been married, and has apparently put his philandering ways behind him, wants to marry me....but why, now, would I want to do it all again?
There is precious little chance of being a parent again, I have no desire to outsource the management of my life to someone else (been there, trying not to do that again), I don't want to make any more promises I can't keep and I have so much more to live for.
3 comments:
I don't know that I could do the marriage thing again. I don't think that I could
I feel the same way as you and Mary. Having lived alone for 7 years and flexed my independence muscles for so long, I am unwilling to return to all the hoopla of sharing, compromise, and finding ways to communicate.
Of course, I have found no one to cherish or who cherishes me. Who knows how my feelings might change if I fell deeply and hopelessly in love with a man who felt the same toward me.
Great post and insights, Fiona. Thank you for sharing them.
I think the only reason to re-marry is if you want to.
I wouldn't worry about making promises you can't keep, because one never knows for sure whether or not one can keep a promise. So I'd say don't let that stop you.
Maybe think about what you'd do if you could do anything at all without limit or worry. And then see if you can do that, anyway. If marriage is a part of that, maybe it's something to consider.
I can see how it might be difficult to muster enthusiasm for marriage again. But if it's fear that's holding you back, my thought about that is that risk is often where reward is to be found.
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