Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Liberty

One coping mechanism I have evolved is to just not care about anything.
(1) I don't care if you shag other women, because I don't love you that much
(2)I don't care if my ex does not answer my requests about my child, because my opinion doesn't matter
(3) I don't care if I'm not promoted, because I don't deserve it.

And so on which eventually leads to a loss of self...
I think I may be in a dark place at the moment, but I am too busy coping to even try to get out of it.

5 comments:

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Hugs, Fiona. I do that not caring thing too -- I remember promising myself when my husband and I started dating I wouldn't care too much about him because he might hurt me...

BizyLizy said...

Sometimes we do what we need to just to get through the day. When we finally reach a soft landing, we can then regroup, reconsider, and reevaluate ourselves.

Here's hoping you find your soft landing soon.

Blessings, Fiona...

FI0NA said...

and strangely enough this feeling of detachment was with me over a year ago.
http://i0nafi0na.blogspot.com/2007/04/2-year-milestone-and-me.html#links

woman.anonymous7 said...

I go through periods of detachment too. What I'm suspecting is that they are a way to get a break from pain and/or a response to deep seated fear.

I think it's fine to be detached to get a moment of peace when nothing else will do it. But the challenge is to reconnect after that so that you don't live the rest of your life partially shut down.

When I think of living the rest of my life emotionally safe and detatched, I get relief from the sense of control and power I feel, but I also feel deep, deep sadness at what I believe it will cost me.

Once I've regained my strength, what I've done is to try to seek out the fear at the root of the detatchment and be with it instead of turning away. To help me do this I use all my support systems, spiritual reading, talking to friends online and in my SAnon group, and I exercise to get the good chemicals flowing in my body.

I wish you the best.

Vic's Moving On said...

Ah, Fiona,

I just reemerged from that dark place, and woke up realizing that my life, frantic and overextended, is affecting my health.

So, I am working on taking care of myself, pretending I am my own mother and taking care of the wounded child in me.

Good luck. Vic