Well as you know my SA partner went into recovery for about 3 months (almost two years ago), declared himself healed, and defied me to discuss it with him, because I was too angry and it was not helping. I went on bearing a grudge and being quite angry and sad about it for about a year. Then I realised I could let go. Unfortunately I "threw the baby out with the bathwater" and stopped loving him as selflessly and freely as I could. And this laid the foundation for my own slip.
I resolved not to snoop on him, and that the evidence would come to me. So now it is coming in, and I still ignore it.
The browser history shows craigslist - I have never visited it. The phone bill has two receipts for an online adult chatline - when we were away - all of us. I find receipts in my car for fastfood and car parks, late at night in suburbs far away when I thought he was at work, and finally...he accidentally leaves himself logged in to his email, and so help me I take a look. Half a dozen flirty emails to women I don't know with among the seemingly light friendly banter words like "lick you" "pinch you".
And on the way home in the car, he sighs, tells me he is so sorry he is just not interested in sex... even cites a well known male problem.
So I replied - oh no doubt it would all be fine given the right conditions, and looked at his face in the half light - Dead Pan.
Funny thing is...I feel nothing...this is not a marriage....