Monday, June 06, 2011

A new character

I have a new character to introduce to you. It's not my fantasy partner Dave, Hamish is younger, still older than me by a couple of years. Hamish doesn't have a teenage daughter, he has no children. He's very hot, he runs he own business as a landscape architect (similar to Dave), and I am in love with him. Whether he is in love with me is another matter. Sometimes I get the uneasy sense that he is compromising to be with me. That somehow he could score himself someone even younger and even better looking, but maybe my insecurities are playing out. Following my last post, I guess I have learned very little, apart from how to exit from these things. I throw myself in boots and all. I've known him for two months. What I like about him is his simpleness. He treats me with respect. He does all the right things, does not leave me alone for too long. The sex is straightforward. He is easily turned on by me and does not need me to do degrading porny acts to get himself warmed up. As with my early days with Neil, I admire him, I fancy him, and I love to listen to the stories of his life and friends. I long to be with him. I guess I am still in the lust phase leading into the attachment phase. I am determined not to sour it by asking too many questions. But as time goes by, my confidence about emerging unscathed lessens. Even now I know it will hurt when he says "It ain't me babe" or "I can't bring up another man's child", or "I'm not ready" or whatever the cliche of choice turns out to be. You think this sounds defeatest. What if, I turn out to be the one who ends it? Self sabotage maybe as in the case of "The one who got away"? or just get bored. Who could imagine?

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