Sunday, September 16, 2012

What is a man? and why would I want one?

Posted Retrospectively

Today August 29th 2012, approaching my 47th birthday I have crossed some sort of a divide and found myself in this alarming territory in which I can't see the point of being married to or being in a serious relationship with a man.

This is probably just nature's way, as at 41 I woke up and realised that I knew for sure I couldn't manage another baby. Suddenly though, men have become optional. Why? have I lost my mojo? quite possibly. But only 3 months ago I was nursing a terrible crush, so there's every possibility it will come back again... to HAUNT me.

Let's get something straight. I don't dislike men. They can be solid, dependable influences. Good looking lust worthy (but not generally after 45). They can make good decisive collegues. I've heard some are very good fathers.

Suddenly I feel about women over 45 who date men of their own age or greater somewhat how I feel about abortion. I think we all should have the right to choice, but it is not for me.

So dating has become for me something akin to having something ou love ripped out through your lady garden. This isn't a man hating diatribe, its the conclusion of a personal journey that has left me to conclude that many men are good, but they are not good for me, and here is one reason (as of 9/17/12 I've forgotten the others - as a result of this one!!)

Dating is Making me dumb. lt's not So Much the dating itself as the need to block out the appalling abuse, disrespect, personal loss, degradation and futility associated with it. My brain, it would seem, deems it necessary to block these out along with many good or important things that are happening concurrently. Thus I become chronically forgetful, distracted, unfocussed, numb and dumb.

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