Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Be careful what you wish for

If being treated with benign indifference has become irksome, I am wondering how the alternative would make me feel.

He prioritises everything above me, including his ex wife. 

He opened a new facebook account and decided to feature the date of his marriage in his timeline (he's been separated for a year) I mean, I'm glad they get on and all that, but this just looks to my friends as though I'm having an affair.

If he frequently shares ideations about "the one who got away"...he gave everything up for her, he loved  her, he was prepared to start a new life with her... and yet somehow (tiny voice) not me.  And despite the fact that she treated him so BAD and I treat him so NICE. Incidentally Hamish did that too. Before me there had been Clancy perfect, beautiful well groomed, but an utter bitch. I really  do fit awfully well into the Tart with a Heart subplot.

He objectifies me and judges me purely on my physical attributes and sex appeal.. This is so obviously a way of making me matter less so he can justify it as "just sex"

In other social media websites, he flirts openly with other women. Our mutual friends. When I pick him up on it he says "well better than doing it behind your back".denounces any attraction for them.  He honestly claims not to realise he is leading people on.

One mutual friend from our bike club was stuck at home with a broken arm. So he rang her to be friendly and proceeded to go round with a bottle of wine because she was claiming to be house bound. She was no such thing later that week she was out clubbing and now she is off overseas whilst on sick leave...but he didn't see this behaviour (personal visit with alcohol) as in anyway leading her on or sending the wrong message.

So if I'm feeling uncomfortable about all these things feeling essentially that what they spell out is that he is not ready for commitment and I am just Mrs right now.

What if he was rushing into a relationship with me, pushing through his divorce, making it happen, moving in declaring his love...What then? I don't think I would really want him.

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