Thursday, July 11, 2013

Tanabata Revelation

It was the Japanese star festival and I went to a Tanabata festival party where we were exhorted to write our wishes on a bit of paper and hang them in a tree.

My mind was blank and there was nothing I wanted, so I resorted to an old favorite from this blog once wished for in the context of Hamish "A compasisonate observer of my life experience". In that moment, I suppose, I was thinking of a man, a life's companion. But then I woke up on the morning of the 8th, knowing what is lacking in my life. Good and reliable female friends. It's OK where I come from to call them Girlfriends.

Before my marriage girlfriends were pivotal in my life.  They were for travel, fun, joint man hunting expeditions, gossip and emotional support. They watched the comings and goings of my life with compassion and shared in  my ups and downs.  Then abruptly at 25 they were cut out of my life. Because, marriage is supposed to fulfil you, utterly.

No longer will you need to talk into the early hours about your "man troubles" or have a shoulder to cry on because tah da!! you no longer have man troubles do you? No you are  married  and that is nirvana. Should you ever need a shoulder there is a big strong man, look right there, yes him!

So I learnt to live without. I watched romantic films, attempted to gossip with my monosyllabic husband thing, and kept all my troubles to myself. Yes, surely my marriage was a very lonely place.

Occaisionally they would flash into my life, but they too had husbands and the intimacy was never quite restored. There was always a third and fourth wheel in the relationship.

The birth of my first child brought it back - the mum's group thrown together in adversity, having gone through a thing their husbands could not - childbirth and momentarily having time on their hands during maternity leave and the very early life of their first born with all its traumas. They've all scattered now, back to their nests and work-a-day concerns and the care and keeping of husbands.

Since my divorce seven years ago, I don't think I have managed for form a warm female friendship. And once again I have been lonely, possibly looking in all the wrong places for the kind of reciprocal love and support that only female friends can give.

No comments: