Roy Hattersley was evidently surprised by the depth of his grief over Buster, and by analogy I have been totally bowled over by the depth of my grief around the loss of a "potential" relationship. I sometimes wonder if I am somehow preparing myself for the greater losses that are bound to occur in my life, of my parents for example. Like Mr Hattersley nothing caused me as much pain as being rejected by George. The only thing that came close was a late miscarriage of twins when I was 34.
I do not pretend that my grief was unique - I merely state, as a matter of fact, that nothing has ever caused me as much pain as Buster's death
Maybe the mere fact of him was masking a whole lot of other stuff around my family of origin, the circumstances of my migration, and my own choice of husband a few years after we left school. I imbued him with a significance he just doesn't have.
I offer you no explanation. I just hope that the universe will hand me a solution in the next decade or so.
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