Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Disloyal, Ungrateful

My dear readers. I know my last post may have seemed disloyal. Most people write vitriol about thier ex's not about their fiances.

Could it be that somehow I am projecting onto him some of the anger I feel over my divorce? My Single time between Marriage and dating again was so short, and I relished it. I wonder if I should have stayed there longer.

He could be just a decent guy, who has finally met the right woman, has some issues about sex and sexuality, but is desperately trying to clean up his act. After all, he has been single for a long time, and the way he behaved was fine for a single guy, only answerable to himself, and the women who were fool enough to be drawn in. This is the way I like to think.

Then there is the dark side I am the one being drawn in. As Meg said

There are 2 pre-requisites to being an addict or a cheater.

First, one must be an excellent liar. Secondly, they must be a master manipulator. Without these two skills, a person is unable to be either of those things for any length of time!

If you really loved someone you would not cheat on them however loudly your loins cried out for satisfaction, and for me to believe I am special or different, is just a symptom of the fact that I myself am being manipulated.

Could I be in the clutches of a predator. Neil is my fiance, he claims to adore my child, we have bought a house together (we earn the same by the way, in case you think I am a gold-digging ingrate) and so far I have put more cash into the house than he has.

I will go on living the dream, but I will protect myself.

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