My parents are staying with Neil and I at the moment. In our, oh I have to admit it, breathtakingly beautiful home, with Neil being the soul of diplomacy, tact and affable good humour - to the point of actually overdoing it with my mother - hugging her goodbye, saying how much he looked forward to their visit ! (isn't there some law of nature about sons in law and mothers in law?). The view, the parties, the flawless diamond ring, the future plans so engagingly shared, so playful with my little boy.... Everything is, on the surface, perfect.
Anyway it occurred to me, if Neil was the man they think he is, I really would be living the dream, but they don't know in the short year we have been together he has been porking other women and lying shamelessly about it. I only found out by mistake. The only reason I stay, apart from this facade of a dream, is that he is doing everything he can to move on, and getting therapy for sex addiction :) Mind you like other addictions, the lies that have come with it over the past few months have been damaging in extreme to those close to him. I read this anonymous email on a support group web site lately.
I was married to a "sex addict" who was also very adept at hiding it...porn, prostitutes, girlfriends, you name it, he did it.
When I found out, he obviously expected me to help him "recover" from his addiction, because of course I'd have to constantly monitor him, his computer usage and his movements, telephone calls, etc.
Nope. I divorced him. After all the lying and controlling and cheating, I did not know who he really was, even though we'd been married for almost 20 years. And I had no desire to play policeman, especially since if I ever slipped up in surveillance, he'd have an excuse because I didn't watch him closely enough. Gah.
I don't think he was really an addict. I think he's narcissistic and selfish.
anon 12.02.05 - 11:44 am #
I have to fight the urge to act as this woman did. Don't tell me to move on, I'm not ready. So many other things are in the right place I need to sit this out. But I need to write it, to show myself I am doing this with my eyes open.