About a month ago the second of my decamped ex-boyfriends arranged to meet up with me as he was in the town where I work. I decided not to make the mistake of telling Neil this time because he has nothing to fear. Right.
I notice woman.anonymous7 has been toying with "getting back at her husband" through infidelity. There is, as you will see, and element of this. It is more about me, than revenge however, I never intend anyone to find out (that's why I'm publishing it on the web). We fell into each other's arms in a way that was, as my friend Dan once described overwhelming and for about a month after there were passionate exchanges and declarations.
Since then however things are starting to return to normal. The messages are dying down. I can package the night away, as a happy and memorable one. Twenty years elapsed between out trysts. And whilst I may cherish a hope that sometime in the future we will be together, I fear that time is actually in the past. He represents the life I may have had if circumstances had been different.
This is the first time I have ever cheated on anyone, but somewhere in there, there is catharsis.
Two things I do know:
(1) I can now instantly forgive my (formerly) sex addicted partner
(2) Things felt so right, so connected, and there was so much chemistry, I know things here are wrong.
But part (2) is corny. How could Neil possibly compete with a pheromone charged evening of lust with someone who I not only have a shared history and affection with, but also subconsciously believe is still 23!!!!????
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5 comments:
Wow...glad to find your blog...:)
Is this "the one that got away"?
Whoa.....so is Neil on the way out?
Curious: Does cheating change how you feel about having been cheated on? Do you see it as less important to the cheater than you thought?
No, it wasn't the one that got away! Just waiting for him to migrate as well.. Oddly Neil is less "on the way out" than before because cheating DOES change the way I feel. It DOES seem less of a crime and it has brought into sharp focus my own fallibilty. I essentially thought I was infallible in this regard. I can't however palm it off as "Just sex" I am harbouring feelings for the ex which I am having to deal with.
Interesting. But I think there is a difference between one having an affair and one being a Serial Cheater or sex addict, ya know? Ya can't compare the 2...
I feel like I, as the wife of a sex addict, am in a different category than the wife of a man who had 1 affair...
hope this makes sense...
But yes, I'm sure you have more compassion/empathy now since you yourself have cheated...
HOW do you feel about yourself having done it???
On the whole I feel great about having done it.
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