Monday, September 13, 2010

Repartnering - The great dichotomy

My friends and so-called advisors fall into two categories (whether they know about the SA or not strangely). Although few could understand what it does to your moral compass, or the PSD associated with it. So this is what they say:

(1) Grab yourself a man quick before your charms fade - and don't be so fussy
(2) You are a princess and settle for nothing less than perfection

Well I got brave and went on a date. And surprisingly I quite liked him. He was nice looking, fit, not offensive to women (thus far) well qualified (if that matters) and quite amusing all round.

Surprising when I had pretty much sworn off men, to find myself with this conundrum. I find myself asking

(1) have I somehow lowered my standards? In that there is, it turns out, an intelligent, handsome and charming man out there who wants to date me where I had thought they were all overweight, hairy, dependent, sociopaths.

(2) So what's wrong with him? and why can't I see it?

(3) Am I carrying out my due dilligence - ie how can I not get trapped in the same old nightmare again?


Bernadine said...

I can see why it's confusing to be attracted to, and like someone, again. Especially if you weren't expecting it.

I think, however, that just being attracted (yay, your alive!) to someone is sort of exciting, especially after all you've been through. Even if nothing comes of this particular guy-- hey, at least you know you're still interested.

I also get all the hesitation. I wrote about my plan for dating (as approved by my therapist)-- it's on my blog, if you're interested. It's all very boundaried so that I don't get fooled by another sex addict.

Good luck!

FI0NA said...

I did read that, and will go back for a re-read. You know he hasn't even tried to kiss me yet. I kinda wonder if we're going to end up as "just friends". I had these two ill formed thoughts in relation to it (1) maybe there are two broad types of men the "out for what they can get" type who will go in boots and all and the more cautious types. (2) Maybe this is a strategy to win my trust and he is, in fact, another of the same. I really am starting to doubt my own judgement when it comes to men