I am feeling trapped by single parenthood
I love my child desparately, but a number of things have conspired to make me feel alone, unable to cope and really admit to myself that I am not doing a good job.
My work is demanding,
Running a home alone is tiring and requires a greater financial input than living with someone else (mere economy of scale)
Connor is becoming unruly and I don't have to tools or energy to address it
I am bored by my career frankly and its only purpose is to keep the money rolling in to pay the bills
I hardly ever get to relax truly. Partly due to Connor's demandingness, and partly due to my own dilligence about work. It honestly never leaves me.
I am in pain a lot of the time.
This last one is the clincher, without that I could summon my usual indomitable energy to the problem, but I really am just surviving most of the time.
Trying to think laterally about how I might get out of this rut.
Work smarter - actually get promoted, actually do a good job, get recognition, more money to pay cleaners/nannies/ a mortgage
Make Connor's dad take a larger part in his life - by fair means or foul
Run away and start a new life
Identify a new career and work steadily towards it.
Develop a sideline career
But first..... need energy....need to get rid of this pain...not with opiates....
It seems advisable to fix my parenting style before inviting a man into my life