Tuesday, February 07, 2012

Closed II

Rather than commenting on my own posts. I will give this one its own special post. I'm sorry there will be a couple of post-Hamish post-Mortems. This is what I wanted to say with the wisdom of Dr Jordan

many middle-aged singles are still trying to settle how they experience themselves on the inside while not allowing those unsettled feelings to interfere or complicate their love relationships. Quite frankly, the most defensive way of doing this is to keep oneself alone and seemingly free of confusion. For some middle-aged singles, these unsettled feelings get concealed behind a very busy work or social calendar. The deeper problem, however, is being unprepared to handle the psychological issues that will most likely arise if the plunge into love is taken. So the individual remains “closed” to love, no matter how involved he seems with dating and social activities.

I realise this closed theory is only one of a number (ie yes he may simply have found someone else) Anyhoooo... nice fellow as he was letting something like this drag on as long as it did. Being totally locked down while somebody tries to love you is a type of toxic behaviour, and has ended with all the hurt ( he possibly suffered through previous lovers or FOO) being transferred to me.  I am in total agreement with Rachel Wilkersons Rule #15.

Love that which lets you love it

Addendum 09/02/2012 The ire is starting to bubble up. However much "it's not me its you" he served it with and the pleasant departure (with a huge act of service) does little to detract from the core truth here. He didn't say "I don't fancy you, don't want you etc" on the contrary, he demonstrated that he really still does fancy me. The part he wanted to reject was my love, care, life situation and personality. That stinks.

Addendum 09/02/2012 That took 10 months out of my life. There was a huge investment in babysitters and time away from my child. As projects go, building up a relationship with a boyfriend is a risky one. All lost in one evening. I would've built more social/emotional capital helping out at an old folks home and be no worse off financially. This definitely points to an argument for taking my love elsewhere - if only I could embrace celibacy properly.

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