Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Forty-Five (45)

 I suppose if you read this blog from start to finish you would find my love life runs in cycles, and currently I am in a trough. A giving-up sort of a trough.

If you imagined dating as you would investment, then dating after 45 for a divorced woman is a very poor strategy. A much banded statistic is that only 3% of  divorced women over 45 will re-marry (apparently I can soften this a little because it means  in any one year). However, if a woman does acheive this feat 60% of second marriages fail.

As a divorced mother of school aged children..

hiring a babysitter,
squandering precious time with these children,
introducing instability into the lives of these precious children,
following loss leaders such as the emotionally unavailable, sex addicts, free loaders and otherwise emotionally, morally or actually bankrupt....

...in the hope that you will form a meaningful (married) bond, is akin to putting your life savings into an offshore pyramid scheme. Why would you? wouldn't you read the warning signs?


Forty five is a watershed for women in many ways. I think it is pretty much the mean age where men lose interest in you in a primordial fertility based sense. We all know women who have happily re-partnered after 45 and we probably know women who have given birth in that age range as well, but they are rare.



I suppose I might assert that by the time you get to this age there is still a stock of ova in your ovaries/men in your social ambit... but of this stock only a few are viable.

Alternatively I might assert that the  reasons for this low remarriage rate is not the tragic croning of the women in question, or the lack of men, but the fact that in many cases marriage suits men better than women. Just as women frequently don't want babies over 45 many of them don't want men either. (I won't insult your intelligence by spelling out the enslavement and drudgery that bad marriage can involve)

but I do suspect that men like marriage more than women do.
 Turning to myself for a moment, the last 6 years have been tumultous and traumatic for me with a divorce, repartnering, separation from new partner and two financial settlements.

But, Knowing the facts above, I think I was entirely correct to put energetic efforts into re-partnering at 39 because at that stage there was still a chance of forming a family with someone. Now I believe that time has passed.

I think my "money" is best invested in ensuring stability and happy childhood memories for my child and intellectual and spiritual growth, physical health and emotional stability for myself.   Luckily for me being born in an age where women are afforded equal rights to men I also believe that I have the resources and am capable of this.

I'm a crone at 45, I'll still be a crone at 60 when Connor is off my hands. What's the rush to go out and repartner really? I am an attractive and amusing woman, I'm sure I'll get laid in those 15 years should I wish to.

1 comment:

April Day said...

i love this part...I think my "money" is best invested in ensuring stability and happy childhood memories for my child and intellectual and spiritual growth, physical health and emotional stability for myself.

Im not interested either. Im not cynical, life with myself seems an exciting adventure. it feels like happiness.