Tuesday, May 08, 2012

Dear Hamish

Dear Hamish

It's three months since you terminated me, and still I seem to need closure. With much therapy and subconscious homework I have come to an uneasy acceptance of the situation. I have also surmised (rightly or wrongly) that one of the most likely explanations for your behaviour* is that you met someone else. So in summary, if you have met someone else. I accept it nobly. If you are rotting in a garret, consuming yourself in self-loathing, could you please let me know that you are OK.


*by behaviour I mean dating me, introducing me to your family and friends, buying me flowers, gifts, sleeping with me, and then suddenly after 9 months having a prick of conscience (pun fully intended) and realising I am no more than a fuck-buddy to you and really, nice as it all is, you should not be wasting my time, all washed down with a dose of "I'm in a strange place right now, I don't know how I feel, I need to find myself/some joy/inner peace" and hinting at depression.

P.S I fully expect no reply to this message and thus I conclude the following as my closure. You told me all I needed to know in the debriefing. (1) that you are just not that into me (2) that hard as it seems you were in fact doing the gentlemanly thing by telling me so (3) if you had met someone else, the story you gave me about being lost, finding life hard, needing to get your head together was aimed at protecting me.

What was less gentlemanly was acting like a partner for all those months. True, I probably would've run a mile if you had tried to negotiate FB status in which case I would not have had the fun that I did, nor the albeit artificial high of feeling that I was falling in love with you.

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